Wow! It has been forever since I have used this blogsite. In many ways I have even forgotten that I had it. I could probably come up with a million excuses for why I haven't been on here in a while (and I have some good ones). Honestly, however, that is all that they are...excuses.
I thought I would just throw out some randon thoughts today. I am about to explode, so I had to find a place to expel what's on my mind. This seems like the place for me to do that...although I might come to regret it later.
I recently have taken on a new role in my job. I am no longer just a youth minister (haven't been for quite some time). I am no longer an Associate Minister. I am now the Preaching Minister at my church. I truly feel called to be where I am...but I in no way was truly prepared for the task that still lays before me. I can't even begin to express how frustrated I am with the work that I have taken on. I am sure any other preachers out there will understand where I am coming from. I took over this position within a church that has seen its fair share of struggles. I was, and still am, convinced that the Lord called me to this position. However, I am still trying to figure out how in the world that God is going to, or possibly could, use me to make a difference.
Our church has experienced a split, a church plant, and an earth-shattering change in leadership...all within the last four to five years. I must say that no church should ever be asked to endure so much in such a short amount of time. As a result, we have lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 100-150 members. Not all of those left in the initial phases of each experience, but if you have ever done any work within the church, you will understand how the after-shock of each event still seems to claim its victims. No matter how hard I have tried, there still seems to be a lingering since of frustration and resentment with some. There are times that I still wonder if I am even making a difference. Ever been there?
I have kept quiet about this as long as I possibly can. I have tried to keep it to myself, but I can no longer do that. I am hurting...I am stressed...I am frustrated...I am constantly seeking God's guidance and direction because I know, and have always known, that the task of rebuilding this church is far beyond any skills, ablilites, and talents that I might possess. In many ways we are working from the ground up...rebuilding, redirecting, renovating. It has become a much bigger task than I have ever imagined. I am still up for the challenge, but something continues to haunt me. Over the last year, I have watched various leaders cut their ties with our church and move in different directions. All of them have their share of frustrations with the way things have seemed to go over the last few years. All of them wishing that things never happened, believing that things could have been avoided, wanting things to be different. I have always wanted to ask, but never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings... Why not stay and lead, helping us to improve the things that need improving? Many of these people are my friends and have no desire to hurt them; and that is why I never asked the question. Ever been there?
I have been in ministry for almost 12 years now. All of that time I have only worked within four churches...in this particular church for 8 years this summer. I know that four churches is not that much in the big scheme of things. However, I can honestly say, even through all that this church has been through, there is not a more loving, generous, and caring group of people in the world (understanding that this is solely my opinion). I know that we have been through a lot. I know that I am tired, frustrated, stressed, and at other times depressed; but I know what this church is made of. I know what it was, and am confident of what it can be again. In the midst of all my frustrations, I can't help but love these people. All I want is to inspire them beyond our present pain. All I want is to motivate them to accept the ministry with which they have been entrusted. All I want is to see them make a difference in the lives of others. I want them to discover again the joys of mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Ever been there?
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6 comments:
Been there. The privelege and challenge of ministry is a mixture of joy, terror, frustration, elation, fear and trembling, thrill, and half a dozen other things. It is often exhausting at more than a physical level. It is hard for those who have never been in full-time ministry to appreciate. For us, it is who we are; it is fire that burns in our heart and gives us heartburn at the same time. You will do great things in Kaufman, Cory, and in the process, God will do great things in,on, and through you. You may well carry scars from the process, though. But God will honor your faithfulness, in His time and way. I'm proud of you, dude, and believe that you are what KCOC needs to heal from the past and boldly march into the future. Stand strong, Cory.
Your bro,
Jon Smith
Thanks Jon! You have always been a true friend, encouraging me and inspiring me along the way. I really appreciate your encouragment and support. I trust that you are doing well, and that the Lord continues to work mightily through you. Miss ya!
We hear you, my friend, and we are continuing to lift you and your family up in prayers. Never doubt that you are making a difference! NEVER DOUBT IT! God has you right where HE wants you!
Glad to see you posting again! I'll have to start checking this again more often!
I hope you don’t mind comments from one who “left” the church in Kaufman. I’ve had lots of time to think, pray, and regroup over the last few months and hope it is ok to share my thoughts publically.
I think the message that keeps coming to me that has been confirmed over and over is the need to put my focus back on loving my Father. He will then fill me up so that His love pours out from me to others. Not my love, my efforts, my thoughts but His. He alone can bring real peace and forgiveness.
I think many times there is so much pain and disappointment at least from my experience, that I forget love. We all get caught up in making ourselves heard, understood etc. It becomes about us and we take our focus off the Father. We get discouraged, tired, and hurt feelings. And again our eyes are not on the Father but ourselves and the immediate problem at hand. In fact I suspect if we are honest we’ve taken our main focus off the Father long before conflict results in splits and we see people leaving. Over and over I’ve seen this in my life. When I loose sight of the greatest commandment to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength I loose my direction. I may be “serving God” and heavily involved in ministry but honestly, God is not leading that service. And continuing to serve without being consumed with a love for God will result eventually in burn out.
Renewing our passion for God, not service to others, is the essence of what will fuel a renewal in one member, one leader and one church at a time. Our own efforts just can’t maintain over the long haul. It is a humbling thing to admit but one that I’ve acknowledged about myself during the time I’ve been gone. It is painful, but taking the time to really let God in, love me and show me the past, my mistakes and all, was necessary to start to move forward. God has shown me that he alone is my God, not the church, not ministry and certainly not me. I will always fail on my own but God’s love just doesn’t.
To me this brings hope because the results are not in my hands. I don't have to "save" people. My focus is to love God with everything that I am and point those in my life to Him.
Hi its Andrew Riggs. I wanted to say that I miss the people in Kaufman, and especially you. I think that you will be able to make it through your frustration. You do make a difference and people love you. I will always pray for you Sunday morning, and ask God to be with with you during your lesson.
Love Andrew
Thank you Andrew for your kind words. We miss you too! I too believe that I will get past my frustrations because I serve a powerful God. Thanks for the prayers and please don't stop lifting my name up in prayer frequently. Your prayers are certianly helping. Take care and hope to see you soon!
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